Mediation: A Healthy Pathway to a Good Divorce Settlement

In mediation, you and your spouse will negotiate the terms of your separation in a safe, cooperative, and constructive way. Mediation is an opportunity for you to talk about and plan for the future without remaining stuck in the past. You’ll settle all of your financial issues. You’ll make a parenting plan that makes sense for your children. And you will do this without the conflict and expense associated with lawyers and litigation. Less conflict means less stress on you and your children.

We understand what you are going through. Separation and divorce are hard. You and your spouse must assume new roles and responsibilities with respect to each other and your kids. Mediation provides a safe place for you to renegotiate these relationships.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is mediation?

Mediation is a process in which a neutral expert helps you resolve all issues related to the dissolution of your marriage. Unlike a judge, the mediator does not make decisions for the parties. Instead, the mediator guides the parties through a negotiation toward a settlement. The mediator helps identify issues, eliminate communication barriers, and evaluate possible solutions.

Why choose mediation?

It’s faster, cheaper, more convenient, and less stressful than the alternatives. You will decide what happens to your money and what’s best for your children.

How long does mediation take?

Most cases can be successfully mediated in 3-6 sessions occurring over a few weeks. To keep things manageable, we usually work in two-hour blocks. We’ll ask you to do some homework between sessions. This typically involves gathering information and thinking about your proposals. The more prepared you are, the faster you’ll reach a resolution.

Is mediation private?

Mediation occurs in private, and you and your spouse can agree to keep matters discussed and your agreements confidential. 

We as your mediators cannot disclose what you tell us in mediation, except in very limited circumstances. This provides you with the opportunity to have a frank and open discussion about what you both need to move forward.

We can’t talk to each other. How will you help us?

Mediation focuses on the needs and interests of both spouses. We discourage parties from making threats or demands and positional bargaining. We maintain a calm, cooperative environment. As a result of mediation, over time the two of you may be able to turn a strained relationship into a positive one. This is especially important if you have children.

How much does mediation cost?

It depends on you. We bill for time spent in mediation, reviewing documents, and summarizing information and agreements you reach. There’s no retainer; you pay as you go. You can commit to mediation one session at a time and can stop if it is not working for you. 

You can do things to reduce your costs. The more work you do between sessions, such as gathering, organizing, and accurately summarizing financial records, the faster you will proceed through mediation.

Do I need a lawyer in mediation?

You do not need a lawyer to mediate. In most cases, unless mediation has been court-ordered, lawyers typically do not attend and do not negotiate on behalf of the parties.

However, we do recommend that you hire attorneys and consult with them during the process. As mediators, we cannot advise you about how a judge might decide your case. Also, we cannot draft your separation agreement or prepare divorce pleadings. A lawyer can help you with these things, and we can recommend some who will do so for a reasonable fee.

What cases are not appropriate for mediation?

During initial phone calls and at the orientation session, we carefully screen each case to determine if mediation is appropriate. Generally, mediation is not appropriate in cases involving abuse or where one party has a motive other than negotiating a settlement in good faith. In addition, we reserve the right to end mediation if one party tries to dominate the negotiation or improperly influence the decisions of the other, or if a proposed agreement seems unconscionable.

Do you offer online mediation?

We currently offer in-person mediations at our Wake Forest office and mediation by Zoom or Google Meet videoconference.

Collaborative Divorce: The Right Divorce Team Makes All the Difference

What is Collaborative Divorce?

Collaborative divorce (also known as the “collaborative law” process) is a cooperative, interest-based approach to resolving family law cases. Collaborative law proceedings in North Carolina family law cases are recognized and authorized by Article 4 of Chapter 50 of the North Carolina General Statutes. The process has existed and been used nationwide with great success since the mid-1980s.

In a collaborative law case, you and your spouse are supported by a team of divorce professionals. The team typically includes two collaborative divorce attorneys, a neutral financial expert, and a divorce coach. Information is exchanged and decisions are made in meetings you attend with members of your team.

Collaborative Divorce Attorney

Your collaborative divorce attorney will help you negotiate the legal aspects of a settlement. He or she may not represent you in a lawsuit involving support, custody, or the division of property. 

Once agreements are reached, the attorneys work together in drafting a contract called a “separation agreement and property settlement.” The attorneys are also available to assist you in obtaining your divorce — in most cases without you ever having to go to court.

Neutral Financial Expert

The neutral financial expert will help you gather, organize, and summarize relevant information related to your income, assets, and liabilities. He or she can help you develop monthly budgets for living in separate homes and sharing parenting expenses. He or she can assist with valuing retirement assets, such as 401(k) plans and pensions. The expert also can explain the tax consequences of the proposed division of assets and help you formulate proposals regarding spousal and child support.

Divorce Coach

The divorce coach’s role is to facilitate respectful communication between you and your spouse. Separation can be very stressful emotionally. Uncontrolled emotions can be an impediment to a good settlement. The coach will make sure that each of you hears the other and that you move past hurt and blame.

Why is Collaborative Divorce a Better Option for Me?

Using non-collaborative attorneys to negotiate a separation agreement is often unproductive because the settlement process has no rules and is open-ended. The process begins when one spouse asks an attorney to draft a settlement proposal. The attorney first needs to obtain financial information from his or her client and any missing information from the other spouse or her or his attorney. The attorney then will recommend and draft the proposal that best benefits his or her client, without considering the other spouse’s needs and interests. The spouse receiving the proposal then will respond with a similarly one-sided counterproposal. If the spouses cannot then reach agreements after going back and forth, their attorneys will typically either (1) recommend mediation, or (2) file a lawsuit and ask a judge to resolve the dispute. Unless a lawsuit is filed, there are no deadlines.

In such negotiations, you and your spouse will probably stop talking directly to each other. Messages and proposals will be conveyed by your attorneys. Your attorney’s advice to you will be based upon what she or he thinks will happen if a judge reviews your case. What starts out as cooperative can quickly turn adversarial. 

Collaborative divorce is different. You maintain control over the process. Information is voluntarily exchanged at the outset. Each participant is responsible for making sure every other participant can make informed decisions. Before any proposals are exchanged, you and your lawyers will discuss each side’s goals. The attorneys will speak with both of you throughout the process — always with respect and consideration. Brainstorming and discussion occur before any proposal is accepted. And success is not measured against how you would fare in court. Rather, a successful outcome is one where you and your spouse are both satisfied that you have made a fair deal and will be financially healthy in your new lives.

Key Features of the Collaborative Approach

Here are some of the features that make collaborative divorce unique:

1. Limited Representation by Attorneys
   Each participant in the collaborative process commits to resolving the issues through settlement negotiations only, without threatening or resorting to court action. The collaborative attorneys represent the clients for this limited purpose only. If the process breaks down, the attorneys are disqualified from further representation.
2. Full, Honest, and Open Disclosure
   The parties commit to full, honest, and open disclosure of all relevant facts and information. The team works together to determine the documents and other information needed so that information is exchanged promptly and efficiently.
3. Neutral Joint Experts
   In addition to the team members, the parties may engage other neutral experts. For example, the parties may jointly hire a qualified appraiser to perform a business or pension valuation or to value real or personal property. A CPA can assist in analyzing the tax implications to each party of any potential settlement. In cases involving custody and visitation, a child specialist can assist the parties in devising a realistic and practical parenting plan.
4. Joint Settlement Conferences
   Members of the collaborative team participate in joint settlement conferences. Joint conferences promote constructive communication. They are an efficient and cost-effective tool for moving the case toward settlement. Participants commit to treating each other with respect, employing active listening skills, and constructing an agreement that adequately addresses each party’s needs.
5. End Result Is an Agreement
   The attorneys draft a binding separation agreement based on agreements reached during the collaborative process.
6. Privacy
   The collaborative process is private. So is the agreement reached between the parties.
7. Efficiency/Cost
   The collaborative process is faster and, as a result, far less expensive than litigation.

Simple Divorce: Ending Your Marriage

Who can get a divorce in North Carolina?

You can obtain a simple divorce (called an “absolute divorce”) in North Carolina if you meet three requirements. First, you must have lived apart for at least one year. Second, you or your spouse must have lived in the state for at least six months. Third, you cannot have resumed your marital relationship during the period of separation.

What steps are involved in getting a divorce?

1. Prepare and file a complaint and civil summons. The spouse initiating the divorce action, the “plaintiff,” files a complaint with the clerk of court and has the clerk issue a summons. 
2. Serve the complaint and summons. The complaint and summons must be served upon the other spouse, the “defendant,” in compliance with the rules of civil procedure. Typically, service is accomplished by certified mail, FedEx, or sheriff. Proof of service must be filed with the clerk of court.
3. Wait 30 days. The defendant has 30 days to answer or otherwise respond to the complaint.
4. Schedule the case for an evidentiary hearing. After 30 days, if the defendant did not answer, or sooner if the defendant answered and admitted the allegations in the complaint, the plaintiff may schedule the case for a hearing. The plaintiff must give notice of that hearing to the defendant and prepare a divorce judgment. At the hearing, the plaintiff must testify regarding the allegations in the complaint. The defendant, if he or she shows up, can question the plaintiff and testify. If the judge finds the criteria for divorce satisfied, she or he will sign the judgment finalizing the divorce.
5. Alternatively, file a motion. The plaintiff may also file a motion for summary judgment. If the plaintiff seeks summary judgment, she or he must prepare and serve a motion and schedule the case for a hearing. At the hearing, the judge will review the file and, if all documents have been submitted correctly, enter the divorce judgment.

How long does the process take? Do I have to go to court?

If you are represented, your attorney will go to court on your behalf and obtain the judgment. In most cases, the entire process takes 45-60 days from the date the complaint is filed.

If your case involves claims other than divorce, such as for equitable distribution, spousal support, child custody, or child support, the process and timetable will be different. Call us for advice.

What does it cost to obtain the divorce?

Our firm charges a flat fee for simple divorces. Call us for details. In addition to the flat fee, there will be fees paid to the clerk of court in the county where the case is filed and costs associated with service of process.